so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
