Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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