he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
