You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
