Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
