there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
