Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
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