In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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