thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize