Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
