My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
