someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
