Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
