Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize