My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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