i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
