just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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