Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
