if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
