yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
