Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
