I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
