But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
