Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
