What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
