I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize