where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You are the jesus of drinking
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
