I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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