Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
