i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
