This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
