GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
50% drunk capacity currently
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
