I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
