Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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