I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
