So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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