That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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