She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
