thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
