i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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