Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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