Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
