Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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