That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
