I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
