Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
