he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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