Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
