Christians are straight up FREAKS
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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