Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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