i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
