i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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