i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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