my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
