Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
