i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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