i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
