I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
