This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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