it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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