I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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