Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
