he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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